Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.
If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.
We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.
We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.
It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen

If you aren't ashamed to do this, please pass this on.
Jesus said, " If you are ashamed of me," I will be ashamed
of you before my Father."
Not ashamed. Passing this on



In God We Trust ~ United We Stand!!

(This is rather long. and someone by the name of Tim really tore into the statements below, with an obvious anti-Bush, anti-Republican attitude. He recommended tossing this messge in the circular file. I guess it all depends on which side, if not the middle of the fence you sit. lpg)

WHAT SENATOR JOHN GLENN SAID

Things that make you think a little:

There were 39 combat related killings in Iraq in January. In the fair city of Detroit there were 35 murders in the month of January.That's just one American city, about as deadly as the entire war-torn country of Iraq .

When some claim that President Bush shouldn't have started this war, state the following:

a. FDR led us into World War II.

b. Germany never attacked us ; Japan did. From 1941-1945, 450,000 lives were lost ... an average of 112,500 per year.

c. Truman finished that war and started one in Korea. North Korea never attacked us. From 1950-1953, 55,000 lives were lost ... an average of 18,334 per year.

d. John F. Kennedy started the Vietnam conflict in 1962. Vietnam never attacked us .

e. Johnson turned Vietnam into a quagmire. From 1965-1975, 58,000 lives were lost. an average of 5,800 per year.

f. Clinton went to war in Bosnia without UN or French consent. Bosnia never attacked us. He was offered Osama bin Laden's head on a platter three times by Sudan and did nothing. Osama has attacked us on multiple occasions.

g. In the years since terrorists attacked us, President Bush has liberated two countries, crushed the Taliban, crippled al-Qaida, put nuclear inspectors in Libya, Iran, and North Korea without firing a shot, and captured a terrorist who slaughtered 300,000 of his own people.

The Democrats are complaining about how long the war is taking. But .. It took less time to take Iraq than it took Janet Reno to take the Branch Davidian compound. That was a 51-day operation.

We've been looking for evidence for chemical weapons in Iraq for less time than it took Hillary Clinton to find the Rose Law Firm billing records.

It took less time for the 3rd Infantry Division and the Marines to destroy the Medina Republican Guard than it took Ted Kennedy to call the police after his Oldsmobile sank at Chappaquiddick

It took less time to take Iraq than it took to count the votes in Florida !!!!

Our Commander-In-Chief is doing a GREAT JOB! The Military morale is high!

The biased media hopes we are too ignorant to realize the facts

But Wait . there's more!

JOHN GLENN (ON THE SENATE FLOOR)
Mon, 26 Jan 2004 11:13

Some people still don't understand why military personnel do what they do for a living. This exchange between Senators John Glenn and Senator Howard Metzenbaum is worth reading. Not only is it a pretty impressive impromptu speech, but it's also a good example of one man's explanation of why men and women in the armed services do what they do for a living.

This IS a typical, though sad, example of what some who have never served think of the military.

Senator Metzenbaum (speaking to Senator Glenn): "How can you run for Senate when you've never held a real job?"

Senator Glenn (D-Ohio):
"I served 23 years in the United States Marine Corps. I served through two wars. I flew 149 missions. My plane was hit by anti-aircraft fire on 12 different occasions. I was in the space program.  It wasn't my checkbook, Howard; it was my life on the line. It was not a nine-to-five job, where I took time off to take the daily cash receipts to the bank."

"I ask you to go with me ... as I went the other day... to a veteran's hospital and look those men .... with their mangled bodies . in the eye, and tell THEM they didn't hold a job!

You go with me to the Space Program at NASA and go, as I have gone, to the widows and Orphans of Ed White, Gus Grissom and Roger Chaffee... and you look those kids in the eye and tell them that their DADS didn't hold a job.

You go with me on Memorial Day and you stand in Arlington National Cemetery , where I have more friends buried than I'd like to remember, and you watch those waving flags

You stand there, and you think about this nation, and you tell ME that those people didn't have a job?

What about you?"

For those who don't remember .. During W.W.II, Howard Metzenbaum was an attorney representing the Communist Party in the USA .

Now he's a Senator!

If you can read this, thank a teacher.
If you are reading it in English thank a Veteran.

Subject: Man's Tension

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my goodness!

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my!

"WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!

"Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?

"Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What's wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Give it time to start.

In light of the news of the so called human cloning going on, we have to ask ourselves the hypothetical question .

If you pushed your naked clone off the top of a tall building, would it be:

A ) murder,

B ) suicide,

or

C ) merely making an obscene clone fall?

Subject: FW: Navy Seal This one is really great

There are two things Navy Seals are always taught:
1. Keep your priorities in order.
2. Know when to act without hesitation.

A college professor, avowed atheist and active member of the A.C.L.U. was teaching his college class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated that once and for all he was going to prove that there was no God.

Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "GOD, if you are real, I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes!!!!!"

The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by. "I'm waiting God, if you're real, knock me off this platform!!!" Again after four minutes, the professor taunted God saying, "Here I am, God-!! I'm still waiting!!!"

His count down got down to the last couple minutes when a Navy Seal, who was just released from the Navy, after serving in Afghanistan and Iraq and had newly registered for the class, walked up to the Professor. The Seal hit him full force in the face. This sent the Professor tumbling from his platform. The Professor was out cold. The students were stunned and shocked.

They began to babble in confusion. The Seal nonchalantly took his seat in the front row and sat in silence. The class looked at him and fell silent also ... waiting. Eventually, the professor came to and was noticeably shaken. He looked at the Seal in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak, he asked:

"What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

The Seal said, "God was really busy, protecting America's soldiers, who are protecting your right to say stupid things and act like an ass. So, He sent me."

Subject: THE MUSTARD STORY

I Love Mustard. (This is a true story. If you have children you will probably relate to this further.) As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard. I had no napkin. I licked it off. It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.

Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard . . "Poupon."

When you stop laughing,............................