Subject: The Ring

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.  He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.  The jeweler looked through his stock and
brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.  The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.  "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.  The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By check.  I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account!"

"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had!"

I Am Coming!...

I don't know who put this together, but I sure would like to shake his hand, pat him on the back, and wish him, "Good Hunting!"
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Dear Terrorists,

I am a Navy Aviator. I was born and raised in a small town in New England. I come from a family of five. I was raised in a middle class home and taught my values by my mother and father.

My dad worked a series of jobs in finance and my mom took care of us kids. We were not an overly religious family but attended church most Sundays. It was a nice small Episcopal Church.  I have a brother and sister and I am the youngest in my family.  I was the first in many generations to attend college.

I have flown Naval aircraft for 16 years.  For me the flying was never a lifelong  dream or a "calling," it just happened.  I needed a job and I liked the challenge.  I continue to do it today because I feel it is important to give back to a nation which has given so much to me. I do it because, although I will never be rich, my family will be comfortable.

I do it because many of my friends have left for the airlines and someone has to do it.

My government has spent millions to train me to fly these multi-milliondollar aircraft. I make about 70,000 dollars a year and after 20 years will be offered a pension.

I like baseball but think the players make too much money. I am in awe of firemen and policemen and what they do each day for my community, and like teachers, they just don't get paid enough.

I respect my elders and always use sir or ma'am when addressing a stranger. I'm not sure about kids these days but I think that's normal for every generation.

I tell you all this because when I come for you, I want you to know me. I won't be hiding behind a woman or a child.  I won't be disguised or pretending to be something I am not.  I will be in a U.S. issue flight suit. I will be wearing standard US issue flight gear, and I will be flying a navy aircraft clearly marked as a US warplane.  I wish we could meet up close in a small room where I could wrap my hands around your throat and slowly squeeze the life out of you, but unfortunately, you're hiding in a hole in the ground, so we will have to do this a different way.

I want you to know also that I am very good at what I do.  I can put a 2,000 lb weapon through a window from 10,000 feet up.  I generally only fly at night, so you may want to start sleeping during the day. I am not eager to die for my country but I am willing to sacrifice my life to protect it from animals like you.

I will do everything in my power to ensure no civilians are hurt as I take aim at you.

My countrymen are a forgiving bunch.  Many are already forgetting what you did on Sept 11th.  But I will not forget!!

I am coming.  I hope you know me a little bit better, see you soon...sleep tight.

Signed
A US. Navy Pilot

Our Soldiers are one of our greatest assets!

God Bless

Subject: Fw: Anatomy of a Photograph

An analysis of a single seemingly innocuous photograph, and the pervasive media bias it reveals.

This photo essay of the anti-war protest in  San Francisco on  September 24, 2005 was not the only report done about the event. A few other outlets ran their own coverage. But the one photo from the rally that was seen by the most people was this:



Why? Because the  San Francisco Chronicle , which had the only mainstream media coverage of the rally, published this photograph on the front page of its Web site as a teaser for their article about the event.  Now, let's take a closer look at this image.



By chance, I took a photo of the same girl just a few moments later. Looks practically identical, doesn't it?  But you might notice that my picture is lower resolution. That's because it's a zoomed-in portion of a much larger photograph. I cropped off the other parts of the picture to get a close-up of the girl.  But what would happen if I hadn't cropped off so much? Let's take a step backward and reveal what the  San Francisco Chronicle didn't want you to see.



Here's the same photo without as much cropping, revealing more of the context. You can see that the girl's protest contingent also sported Palestinian flags and obscene placards.  Now let's take another step back. 



Here's my full original photo, uncropped. Now we can see that the girl is just one of several teenagers, all wearing terrorist-style bandannas covering their faces.  But, as you'll notice, the bandannas are all printed with the same design. Was this a grassroots protest statement the teenagers had come up with all by themselves?  To find out, let's take a look at another photo in the series, taken at the same time: 



Oops -- it looks like they're actually being stage-managed by an adult, who is giving them directions and guiding them toward the front of the march. But who is she?  The last picture in the series reveals all. 



It turns out that the woman giving directions belongs to one of the Communist groups organizing the rally -- if her t-shirt is to be believed, since it depicts the flag of Communist Vietnam, which has been frequently displayed by such groups at protest rallies in the  U.S. for decades. 

The  San Francisco Chronicle featured the original photograph on its front page in order to convey a positive message about the rally -- perhaps that even politically aware teenagers were inspired to show up and rally for peace, sporting the message, "People of Color say 'No to War!'" And that served the  Chronicle 's agenda.  But this simple analysis reveals the very subtle but insidious type of bias that occurs in the media all the time. The  Chronicle did not print an inaccuracy, nor did it doctor a photograph to misrepresent the facts. Instead, the  Chronicle committed the sin of omission: it told you the truth, but it didn't tell you the  whole truth.  Because the whole truth -- that the girl was part of a group of naive teenagers recruited by Communist activists to wear terrorist-style bandannas and carry Palestinian flags and obscene placards -- is disturbing, and doesn't conform to the narrative that the  Chronicle is trying to promote. By presenting the photo out of context, and only showing the one image that suits its purpose, the  Chronicle is intentionally manipulating the reader's impression of the rally, and the rally's intent.  Such tactics -- in the no-man's-land between ethical and unethical -- are commonplace in the media, and have been for decades. It is only now, with the advent of citizen journalism, that we can at last begin to see the whole story and realize that the public has been manipulated like this all along.

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started...

During a visit to the Mental Asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug." Do you want a room with or without a view?

Headlines from the year 2029!

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formally known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a blonde woman with her mouth shut.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines

You Southerners will understand this story as reasonable. You Northerners will love it. Dutch

In Tennessee you don't see too many people hang-gliding. So Bubba decides to save up and get a hang-glider.

He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge. Into the wind he goes!

Maw and Paw Hicks are sittin' on the porch swing talkin' 'bout the good ole days, when Maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen.

"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims. Paw raises up. "Git my gun, Maw."

She runs into the house and brings out his pump shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the treetops.

"I think you missed him, Paw," she says.

"Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of Bubba."

Subject: Jesse Jackson Tragedy

Jesse Jackson is visiting a primary school and he visits one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to Words and their meanings. The teacher asks the Rev. Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy". So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a"tragedy".

One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who Lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.

"No," says the Great Jesse Jackson," that would be an accident."

A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 Children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Rev. Jackson searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand.  In a quiet voice he says: "If a jet carrying the Rev. Jackson were Struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?"

Well," says the boy, "because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

From one pumpkin to another!!!!!!!

A woman was asked by a coworker, "What is it like to be a Christian?"

The coworker replied, "It is like being a pumpkin." God picks you from the patch, brings you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. Then He cuts off the top and scoops out all the yucky stuff.

He removes the seeds of doubt, hate, and greed. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside of you to shine for all the world to see it.

This was passed on to me by another pumpkin. I liked this enough to send it to the pumpkins in my patch.

Subject: Holy Soap

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser. To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough he drops the second bar of soap. Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.

So she gives several more tugs, then yells, "Holy Mary, Mother of God - Hand Lotion, too!"

Subject: Jokes

A big city boy was being led through the Everglades by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" asked the city boy. His country cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast you kin carry the flashlight!"

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A man entered a bar with a small dog. The bartender said, "Get that dog out of here!" The man replied, "This isn't just any dog, this dog plays the piano!" The bartender was skeptical. "If that dog can play that piano over there, I'll buy you both a drink!" The guy placed his dog on the piano bench and, sure enough, the dog started playing: ragtime, Mozart, blues, rock... the bartender and all his patrons loved it. But then a bigger dog ran in, grabbed the small dog by the scruff of his neck and dragged him off the piano bench and out the front door. The bartender asked, "What in the hell was that?" The man replied, "Oh, that's his mother. She wants him to be a doctor.