Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

School Girl

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled "we were counting today and all the other kids could only count to 4, but I counted to 10. See? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!"

"Very good," said her Mother.

Is it because I'm blonde?

"Yes, it's because your blonde," said the Mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,B,C,D,E,F,G!"

"Very Good," said her Mother.

Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?

"Yes it's because your blond", said the Mommy.

The following day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in Gym class today, and when we showered all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" She lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24

More De-Stressers

Hee is a Power Point presntation of "The Team Race."

Click here for the Power Point Presentation

Choice

My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we are in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No." She answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?" Yes." She replied.

Then, I said, " I'd like to phone a friend."

That's the last thing I remember.

FRIGHTENING - PHOTOS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
(Ed Note: Can you believe they think this is Free Speech? And, look at the police standing by to protect them.)

Breast Stroke

There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breast stroke. Just three women entered the race: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breast stroker.

About 40 minutes later the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared to be the second place finisher.

Nearly 48 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, I don't want to sound like I am a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms.

Two Elderly People

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida mobile home park. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.

Now, one evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of 'careful consideration,' she answered. "Yes. Yes, I will." The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?"

He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"   

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart."

Then she continued, "And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

Over Taxed

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, "Mary . . Mary. ..."

"Is that you, Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again."

"Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven."

"Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Texas."

Subject: Note the Bumper Sticker

I'm proud to send this one


I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG, OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA , AND TO THE REPUBLIC, FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

I was asked to send this on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having "In God! We Trust" on our money and having "God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. Why don't we just tell the 14% to Shut Up and BE QUIET!!!

If you agree, pass this on, if not delete.

I AGREE !!!!
"God Bless America ."
" Happy New Year."