Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

THANKS, JOE!… or D-Day recalled from another perspective. (A Colorado Daily guest editorial 1st published on the 50th D-Day anniversary and on http:/www.Normandyallies.org/vc.htm on12/16/98)

Let me now praise non-famous men in grimy helmets and uniforms. They, in that unforgettable spring of 1945, brought Life’s early light into the barbed wire hells of Germany. These men, landing on Normandy's bloody beaches, poured freedom from the muzzles of their guns for me, my brother and all our concentration camp comrades. The Americans and other Allies transformed us from those about to die like vermin to men preparing to live again. This is a belated thank you note to these "GI Joes" who, like we, had also danced with death (though to a different tune). Thanks Joe!

On this anniversary of D-day in Europe, I humbly acknowledge those who pried open the black gate of SS hell with their bullet shattered bones and lubricated its hinges with their blood. While there are still a few of you to read this thank-you note for my life and that of my children who might never have been without you, I salute you with "L’Chaim"…. To Life!

In mid-April 1945, my brother and I, aged 15 and 16, escaped from the Dachau Karlsfeld sub-camp (about 10 miles from Munich) during an American shelling. The explosions brought out the true Aryan "heroism" of our SS-guard executioners, who ran from their towers and hid. This was the first time for us outside of barbed wire since May 1940 when we, as Polish Jews, were penned in for swift or slow slaughter.

We ran through a hole blasted in the barbed wire and crawled to reach an abandoned German anti-aircraft battery visible from the camp. There we feasted on still hot corned beef stew on a stove. Cans of DDT for our lice ridden bodies, Wehrmacht boots and wool clothing, helmets and some weapons completed our booty. Since, by then, we could be mistaken for German soldiers, we kept our striped jackets and left to find the Allied lines.

We were "taken prisoner" by Americans who took us back to their Battalion and were identified by a sergeant who spoke Polish. After a shower, he got us the smallest possible American fatigue uniforms rolled up on arms and legs. A fantastic field kitchen breakfast of hot cereal with real milk and sugar completed our transformation into mini-GIs.

Who were these men just out of heavy combat, who found it seemingly necessary to share their language, thoughts, anger and their grief? I never knew most of their last names, but knew I was safe and free at last, free at last.

My brother and I came to them with our Polish names of Wlodzimierz and Wladyslaw and no English language. We parted from them some three weeks later as Bill and Walter, marching to Bremen so as to go to U.S. We were "drafted" on the way by a bunch of GIs fishing with hand grenades in a pond. A Polish American GI among them convinced us we needed some "R&R' with his outfit. Thus we became the mascots of the 278th Field Artillery Battalion, Battery C, commanded by Capt. John C. Van Arsdale of Minneapolis.

The day after we “joined" the 278th, that tall young captain gave a short speech at morning's formation. He said something like "These two boys lost their entire family. You can't give them back what they lost, but you can teach them all you know about and how to do things. Company dismissed!"

Capt. Van Arsdale, a chemical engineer, led our education. One of his men taught us algebra, another how to cut hair, another American history, another yet to press a uniform, and so on. By the end of May, we were in cut down American uniforms, stripes and unit shoulder patches inclusive, a strange sight at maybe five feet and 90 pounds.

Battery C's men bivouacked on the Danube near the town of Donauworth. That miraculous summer we wandered along the river, swam, ate and grew. The men of Charlie Battery were our buddies, our fathers, our teachers and often our playmates. By the fall of 1945, the 278th was to return "stateside" and we had to part with those magnificent non-famous men.

My brother Bill and I now use the gift of life bought so dearly by so many to save so pitiably few out of the murdered millions. Yet the price paid by the GI dead saved other millions of Europe and America from the planned thousand years of slavery and death factories of the Third Reich.

Bill and I now live our concentration camp fantasies of a good life in a humane new land. We hope against all hope that the price for lives such as ours shall "Never Again!" be required to be paid and that there shall "Never Again!" be such children as we were... yet there are and probably and sadly be again. Then once again lives will have to be bought by fear, wounds and deaths!

Can anyone doubt that shortly, (in a historical sense) there shall be another "Thanks Joe!" note written by a Kosovar ex-refugee? I do not !

Walter Plywaski (Previously Wladyslaw Plywacki of the Lodz "ghetto", Auschwitz and Dachau concentration camps.)
(Address deleted)
Boulder, CO
Ph.:
Fx.:
email:

An Italian in Malta.

One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel, in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces". She say "Go to the toilet." I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on my plate." She say to me: "you better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". I do not even know this lady and she call me a sonnawabitch !! f@?k." I tell her "you don't understand me... I wanna fork on the table." She say: "you better not f@?k on the table you sonnawabitch."

So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet." he tell me to go the toilet. I say "you don't understand I wanna a sheet on my bed." He say: "you better not shit on the bed, you sonnawabitch". I go to the Check out and the man at the desk said "peace on you," and I say: "Piss on you too, you sonnawabicth." I gonna back to Italy !

READ AND RETURN THE GREEN DOG

Don't know about the good or bad luck thing, but there are some good sayings here! Green Dog Read Each One Carefully and Think About It a Second or Two

1. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

2. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

3. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

4. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

5. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

6. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

7. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

8. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

9. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

10. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

11. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

12. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

13. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll still land among the stars.

14. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic!

15. When you were born, everyone around you was smiling and you were crying. Live your life so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.

True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends? Hardly anyone I know! But some of us have all right friends and good friends!!!

You have been Tagged by the Green Dog!,-._,-.\/)"(\/(_o_)ruff!!!!!!You will Have Good Luck For Two Years if you send this to 8 people or more. You must send it in 5 minutes or your good luck will run out.

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him-"very quick. "

The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: Have you any grounds?

POLE: JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms.

LAWYER "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

POLE: "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," he responded.

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No," he replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"

POLE: "All my relations are in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

LAWYER: No, I mean Does your wife beat you up?

POLE: NO, I'm always up before her.

LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?

POLE: NO, she white.

LAWYER: WHY do you want this divorce?

POLE: SHE going to kill me.

LAWYER: What makes you think that?

POLE: I got proof.

LAWYER: What kind of proof?

POLE: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read --it says, "Polish Remover."

Reference: Buddies

HOW COULD ALL 50 STATES BE WRONG?

Somewhere along the way, the Federal Courts and the Supreme Court have misinterpreted the U.S. Constitution. How could all fifty States be wrong?

THIS IS VERY INTERESTING! Be sure to read the last two paragraphs. America's founders did not intend for there to be a separation of God and state, as shown by the fact that all 50 states acknowledge God in their state constitutions:

Alabama 1901, Preamble. We the people of the State of Alabama, invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution

Alaska 1956, Preamble. We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land

Arizona 1911, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution...

Arkansas 1874, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Arkansas, grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government...

California 1879, Preamble. We, the People of the State of California, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom ..

Colorado 1876, Preamble. We, the people of Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of Universe.

Connecticut 1818, Preamble. The People of Connecticut, acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy

Delaware 1897, Preamble. Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshipping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences

Florida 1885, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Florida, grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty, establish this Constitution...

Georgia 1777, Preamble. We, the people of Georgia, relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution...

Hawaii 1959, Preamble. We, the people of Hawaii, Grateful for Divine Guidance ... establish this Constitution.

Idaho 1889, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Idaho, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings

Illinois 1870, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

Indiana 1851, Preamble. We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to chose our form of government.

Iowa 1857, Preamble. We, the People of the State of Iowa, grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings establish this Constitution

Kansas 1859, Preamble. We, the people of Kansas, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges, establish this Constitution.

Kentucky 1891, Preamble. We, the people of the Commonwealth of grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties...

Louisiana 1921, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Louisiana, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy.

Maine 1820, Preamble. We the People of Maine, acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity ... and imploring His aid and direction.

Maryland 1776, Preamble. We, the people of the state of Maryland, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberty...

Massachusetts 1780, Preamble. We...the people of Massachusetts, acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe, in the course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction

Michigan 1908, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Michigan, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom establish this Constitution

Minnesota , 1857, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings

Mississippi 1890, Preamble. We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work.

Missouri 1845, Preamble. We, the people of Missouri, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness, establish this Constitution

Montana 1889, Preamble. We, the people of Montana, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty, establish this Constitution

Nebraska 1875, Preamble. We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom establish this Constitution

Nevada 1864, Preamble. We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom establish this Constitution

New Hampshire 1792,  Part I. Art. I. Sec. V. Every individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience.

New Jersey 1844, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors

New Mexico 1911, Preamble. We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty

New York 1846, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New York, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings

North Carolina 1868, Preamble. We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those

North Dakota 1889, Preamble. We, the people of North Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain

Ohio 1852, Preamble. We the people of the state of Ohio, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common

Oklahoma 1907, Preamble. Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty establish this

Oregon 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I Section 2. All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences

Pennsylvania 1776, Preamble. We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance.

Rhode Island 1842, Preamble. We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing

South Carolina, 1778, Preamble We, the people of he State of South Carolina, grateful to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution

South Dakota 1889, Preamble. We, the people of South Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for our civil! and religious liberties, establish this

Tennessee 1796, Art. XI.III. That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience

Texas 1845, Preamble. We the People of the Republic of Texas, acknowledging, with gratitude, the grace and beneficence of God

Utah 1896, Preamble. Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution

Vermont 1777, Preamble. Whereas all government ought to, enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man

Virginia 1776, Bill of Rights, XVI - Religion, or the Duty which we owe our Creator, can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other

Washington 1889, Preamble. We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution

West Virginia 1872, Preamble. Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God

Wisconsin 1848, Preamble. We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility

Wyoming 1890, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Wyoming, grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties - establish this Constitution.

After reviewing acknowledgments of God from all 50 state constitutions, one is faced with the prospect that maybe, just maybe, the ACLU and the out-of-control federal courts are wrong!

"Those people who will not be governed by God will be ruled by tyrants." --William Penn

If you found this to be "Food for thought," send to as many that you think will be touched by it also.

GOD BLESS

The Knob

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten
up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems: "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them."

The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts."

She said, "Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee"