Pop Eye

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ... and stay for breakfast.

They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed!! Everything has been SO incredible!!!!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies........."She says: "You just happened to catch my eye."

(Oh shut up, I just forward 'em, I don't write 'em.)

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

Lifesavers

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor.

The children began:

"Red............cherry,"
"Yellow.........lemon,"
"Green..........lime,"
"Orange.........orange."

Then the professor gave them all a HONEY-flavored lifesaver.

After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste. "Well," he said "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled, "Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!"

History Lesson: Good Old Fashioned Wisdom

Living in the 1500's

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the1500s:

These are interesting...

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence, the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying,"Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying, "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence, the saying, "Dirt Poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "threshhold."

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the "custom of holding a wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night "(the graveyard shift)" to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, "saved by the bell" or was considered "a...dead ringer."

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

Educate someone. Share these facts with a friend

Subject: Very interesting...

This is freaky, interesting and scary all in one! Read 7 down to the very bottom, you don't want to miss this!

VERY INTERESTING -

1. The garden of Eden was in Iraq.

2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq , was the cradle of civilization!

3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.

4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.

5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq!

7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq.

9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

10. Amos cried out in Iraq!

11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.

12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq !

13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq (Jesus hadbeen in Iraq also as the fourth person in the fiery furnace!)

14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon, saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq.

15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

17. The wise men were from Iraq.

18. Peter preached in Iraq.

19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon which was a city in Iraq!

And you have probably seen this one. Israel is the nation mostoften mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible. The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar , and Mesopotamia. The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers The name Iraq means country with deep roots. Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible. No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated it than Iraq.

And also... This is something to think about! Since America is typically represented by an eagle, Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages... The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible) Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace. (Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

God Bless you all - Amen ! I BETTER NOT HEAR OF ANYONE BREAKING THIS ONE OR SEE DELETED This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq. Pass it on to everyone and pray. Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM This is not a joke. Someone will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you. Do not break this chain. Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes. Go.

An interesting humorous short movie in WMV form.

Click here to begin the Widows Media Movie

THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2005:

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death

[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace

[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

[You think?!]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

[Who would have thought!]

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge

[He probably IS the battery charge]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

[Did I read that sign right?]

320.

A Sweet Irish Daughter

The Irish daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her; "Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum through?!"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."

"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!"

"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten-bed-roomed mansion, plus a savings account certificate for £5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex and for you Daddy the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)... an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

"Now what was it you said you had become?"

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad! ... Sniff,sniff"

"Oh! Be Jesus! - You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said "a Protestant".

Come here and give your old man a big hug!"