Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

Subject: : THE VALUE OF A TIE

Plodding through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked toward the object, only to find a little old Jewish man sitting at a card table with neckties laid out on it.

The Arab asked, "My thirst is killing me. Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $150. This one goes very nicely with your robes."

The Arab shouted, "You idiot! I do not need an overpriced tie. I need water!"

OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie. I will show you that you have not offended me. If you walk over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. Go! Walk that way! The restaurant has all the water you need!"

The Arab staggered away toward the hill and eventually disappeared. Four hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the Jewish man was sitting at his table.

The Jew said, "I told you, about two miles over that hill. Could you not find it?

"I found it all right," rasped the Arab. "But your brother won't let me in without a tie."

Here is a story of how you might feel as an egg.

Click here to start the Power Point story

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can
sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

Top 10 Reasons why some Men prefer Guns over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you keep another handgun for a backup.

#6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Handguns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A handgun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a handgun is favored over a woman

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN.

379. (Ed Note: I do believe this the second time I received one of this type of SPAM. Thought I would pass on my comments. It is obvious that sheer curiosity will cause many who receive this to click on to see what it is all about. But, there are three things that could happen. First, your name and other personal information may be compromised. Surely your ISP address will be obtained. I am sure they will probably ask you for some "good faith" payment to them for some reason that sounds logical. Second, many times more likely you will not get a virus that will damage your machine. Third, they will probably put a "cookie" on your machine and even some sort of spyware to gleen personal data and surfing habits. My best advice to you is to just delete without haste and without even cliking on to the links. And, as the saying goes, if you believe in this email, I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale.

E-MAIL RESULT

Lotto Winners of 1,500,000.00 Euros
GOLDSTAR INTERNATIONAL ONLINE E-GAMES
Ref. Number: 333/000/6118
Batch Number: WW2202222-SS77

Sir/Madam

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out of  1,500,000.00(One Million fIVE Hundred Thousand Euros)
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Due to mix up of some numbers and names, we ask
that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims
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security protocol To avoid double claiming and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants.

All participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 company and 30,000,000 individual email addresses and names from all over the world we hope with part of your winning you will take part in our next year USD50 million internationallotto.To fill for your claim,

please contact our Lottery co ordinator,

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(Ed Note: I censored these addresses)

Gxxxxxxxxxxx 90
0000 xx AMSTERDAM
THE NETHERLAND
TEL:31-xxx-xxx-xxx
FAX:31-xxx-xxx-xxx
Email:xxxxxxxxxx@netscape.net

Remember all winning must be claimed not
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and batch numbers in all correspondence. Furthermore,should there be
any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible.
Congratulations once more from our members of staff and thank you for
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Sincerely yours,
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(Secretary).

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."