Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent
Accumulated over the years from e-mails received.
In neither any particular order nor by subject
And if you are under 18, you should change to another location.
Also, we have no idea of ownership or authorship beyond those mentioned.
And, if they should be removed , just say so.
Page 45 #s - 391 - 400
391.
A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
$4,000, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
392.
Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days
later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young
woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really
doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
cheerful.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. Be
careful.'"
393.
Now here are a series of unfortuante events that probably hurt the actor, but are nevertheless funny.
Click here to start the Windows Media movie
394.
395.
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a
banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No," he replied, "arthritis."
396.
This is an obvious plug for the outfit that sells these swimsuits, but it was going around the web.
Click here to start the Power Point show
397.
398.
399.THEY WALK AMONG US
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there any more.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceberg. And he was a Kansas City chef!
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham, Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine when she
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals
blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded,"What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation
officer in Wichita, KS.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who was leaving the
company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is
fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and
for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver's side door.
As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle
and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side." This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi!
They walk among us.. Folks, Scary
400.
Smooth-talking Cajun
Boudreaux, the smoothest-talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty one day.
Boudreaux's first assignment was to a military induction center, and because he was a good talker they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled. Before long, the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Boudreaux was getting a
99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance.
This was odd, because it would cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month more for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge.
The Captain decided that he would not ask Boudreaux directly about his selling techniques, but instead he would sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch.
Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, "If you has da normal GI insurans an' you goes to Iraq an' gets youself killed, da governmen' pays you beneficiary $20,000. If you takes out da supplemental insurans, which cost you only t'irty dollars a mons, den da the governmen' gots ta pay you beneficiary $200,000!"
"NOW," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch you tink dey gonna send ta Iraq first?
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