Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

UNUSUAL DANGER

- You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
- On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
- In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
- Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
- Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.



Q. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


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Answer:

Get off the children's "Merry-Go-Round", you're drunk!

THINK ABOUT IT

If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake!

Subject: Teddy was right

Message

Amen to this 99 years later! What a visionary!

Theodore Roosevelt's ideas on Immigrants and being an AMERICAN in 1907.

"In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American... There can be no divided allegiance here.

Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all.

We have room for but one flag, the American flag...

We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people."

Theodore Roosevelt 1907

Pass This On!!!!

Subject: Illegal Immigrants

POEM - Illegal Immigrants

I cross ocean, poor and broke,

Take bus, see employment folk.

Nice man treat me good in there, Say I need go see Welfare.

Welfare say, "You come no more,

We send cash right to your door."

Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,

Medicaid it keep you healthy!

By and by, Got plenty money,

Thanks to you, TAXPAYER dummy.

Write to friends in motherland,

Tell them 'come, fast as you can'

They come in turbans and Ford trucks,

I buy big house with welfare bucks.

They come here, we live together,

More welfare checks, it gets better!

Fourteen families, they moving in,

But neighbor's patience wearing thin.

Finally, white guy moves away,
..
I buy his house, and then I say,

"Find more aliens for house to rent."

In my yard I put a tent.

Send for family they just trash,
...
But they, too, draw welfare cash!

Everything is very good,
Soon we own whole neighborhood.

We have hobby, it called breeding,

Welfare pay for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?

We get free! We got no bills!

TAXPAYER crazy! He pay all year,
To keep welfare running here.

We think America darn good place!
Too darn good for white man race.

If they no like us, they can scram,
Got lots of room in Pakistan.

SEND THIS TO EVERY TAXPAYER YOU KNOW

Photos of Nautical Themes, Author's Source shown
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John Wayne

I guess it is better than press 2! The way United States is going!

Subject: Thinking

The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter.

I told him, "Oh, I do it all the time. No matter where I am in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"