Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

All-Expenses Paid...

A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all-expenses paid. When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful, nude girl lying on the bed. She says, "Hi, Rabbi... I'm a little something extra that the president of the board paid for!"

The rabbi is incensed! He picks up the phone, calls the board president and says, "Greenberg, where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our community! As your rabbi, I am very, very angry with you."

The girl gets up and starts to get dressed. The rabbi turns to her and says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."

Subject: Having A Bad Day??

Things Got Ya Down..........Well Then, Consider These
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In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m., regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m. Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am., all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day????
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The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day????
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A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Are Ya O. K. Now? - No!
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Two animal rights defenders were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs broke loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day????
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Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.
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There now, Feeling Better????

GIRLS NIGHT OUT

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on The Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over. So he phoned the other husband and said," These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to
suspect the worst .. . My wife came home with no panties!"

"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that
said: From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."

Subject: Management Advice

Johnny wanted to screw a girl in his office.....but she belonged to someone else...One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said "I'll give you a $1000 dollars if you let me screw you".... but the girl said "NO."

Johnny said "I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up".

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says "Ask him for $2000, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down".

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened......She said "The bastard used coins"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.

495. I hope you'll enjoy this bit of learning.

Antares is the 15th brightest star in the sky. It is more than 1000 light years away.

This movie shows the last few seconds before liftoff of a missle on the pad at Kennedy. Click on the green start arrow to begin.

Click here to start the Flash MovieProgram

You will like this one. Just wait, it will atart again soon.

A Great Collection Of Wall Plaques