Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

BRAIN SMARTS?

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."--Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix "--Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas."--Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night and the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

AND NOW are you Feeling smarter yet?

Subject:THE FINAL GEICO COMMERCIAL

Now, where can I find that damn duck?

Taking on The Times: One Soldier's Response Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Interview Archive In response to The New York Times' decision to publish top secret information regarding how the government tracks financial transactions of terrorists, Sergeant Timothy Boggs wrote the following letter to The Times:

Mr. Keller,

What ceases to amaze me about your paper is the lengths you are willing to go to make headlines and sell papers. Who cares if those headlines help the enemies of America, you guys are making money and that is what it is all about in the end right?

Your recent decision to publish information about a classified program intended to track the banking transactions of possible terrorists is not only detrimental to America but also to its fighting men and women overseas. I know because I am a sergeant in the army on my second tour to Iraq. As I am sure you don’t know because you aren’t in Iraq, and I am sure never will be, terrorism happens here everyday because there are rich men out there willing to support the everyday terrorist who plants bombs and shoots soldiers just to make a living. Without money terrorism in Iraq would die because there would no longer be supplies for IEDs, no mortars or RPGs, and no motivation for people to abandon regular work in hopes of striking it rich after killing a soldier.

Throughout your article you mention that, "the banking program is a closely held secret," but the cat is out of the bag now isn’t it. Terrorists the world over can now change their practices because of your article. For some reason I think that last sentence will bring you guys pleasure. You have done something great in your own eyes-you think you have hurt the current administration while at the same time encouraging "freedom fighters" resisting the imperialism of the United States. However, I foresee a backlash coming your way. I wish I had a subscription to your paper so I could cancel it as soon as possible. But alas, that would prove a little tough right now since I am in Iraq dealing with terrorists financed by the very men you are helping.

Thank you for continually contributing to the deaths of my fellow soldiers. You guys definitely provide a valuable service with your paper. Why without you how would terrorists stay one step ahead of us? I would love to hear a response as to why you deemed revealing this program a necessity, but that will probably come as soon as the government decides to finally put you guys behind bars where you belong.

Tim Boggs
www.boredsoldier.blogspot.com

And now another Flash sorta like ?

Click here to start the Flash Program

Subject: Untitled, says it all

Subject: Chainletters

A lot of so called serious material we mutually send around are "chainletters" often times with little vitality unfortunately. I for one, will be checking with the following web site before forwarding a lot of items.

http://www.breakthechain.org

Jxxx E