Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep. during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "no."

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of your idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOoooo, you had to go and
eat someone who actually does something."

Subject: Iranian Joke

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech, and walked out into the lobby where he met President Bush.

They shook hands, and as they walked the Iranian said, "You know, I have just one question about what I have seen in America.

President Bush said, "Well, anything I can do to help you, I will."

The Iranian whispered "My son watches this show 'Star Trek' and in it there is Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is Black and Sulu who is Chinese, but no Muslims. My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Syrians or Iraqis on Star Trek."

President Bush laughed, leaned toward the Iranian ambassador, and whispered back, "It's because it takes place in the future."

Subject: Muslim Children

Two Muslim mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through photos and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son, Mohammed. He's 24 years old now."

"Yes, I remember him as a baby," says the other mother cheerfully.

"He's a martyr now, though," the mom confides. 

"Oh, so sad dear," says the other.

"And this is my second son, Kalid. He's 21."

"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily. "He had such curly hair when he was born."

"He's a martyr, too," says mom quietly.

"Oh, gracious me," says the other.

"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18," she whispers.

"Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."

"He is a martyr, also," says mom, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says...

"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

Titled "Paradox of our Times" It is in subtitles of three languages. You will need to press your mouse to advance

Click here to start the Power Point Program

Subject: Bubba

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!

Doesn't it seem that more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, Shingles. So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, Shingles. So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, shingles. The doctor asked, Where?

Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them??"

Subject: Pasta Diet

THE PASTA DIET AND YOUR HEALTH

ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !!

1.. You walka pasta da bakery.
2.. You walka pasta da candy store.
3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.
4... You walka pasta da table and fridge.

You will lose weight!

AND...... CONCERNED ABOUT TOO MANY CARBS IN YOUR DIET?

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

IN CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.