Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

E-Mail Instructions

This is good advice for anyone who forwards email messages.  It is an excellent message that ABSOLUTELY applies to ALL of us who send e-mails.  

Do you really know how to forward e-mails?  50% of us do; 50% DO NOT. Do you wonder why you get viruses or junk mail?  Do you hate it?  Every time you forward an e-mail there is information left over from the people who got the message before you, namely their e-mail addresses & names. As the messages get forwarded along, the list of addresses builds, and builds, and builds, and all it takes is for some poor sap to get a virus, and his or her computer can send that virus to every E-mail address that has come across his computer.  Or, someone can take all of those addresses and sell them or send junk mail to them in the hopes that you will go to the site and he will make five cents for each hit. That's right, all of that inconvenience over a nickel!  How do you stop it? Well, there are two easy steps:

(1)     When you forward an e-mail, DELETE all of the other addresses that appear in the body of the message (at the top). That's right, DELETE them.  Highlight them and delete them, backspace them, cut them, whatever it is you know how to do.  It only takes a second.  You MUST click the "Forward" button FIRST and then you will have full editing capabilities against the body and headers of the message.  If you don't click on "Forward" first, you won't be able to edit the message at all.

(2)     Whenever you send an e-mail to more than one person, do NOT use the To: or Cc: columns for adding e-mail addresses. Always use the BCC:   (blind carbon copy) column for listing the e-mail addresses. This way people you send to see only their e-mail address. If you don't see your BCC: option click on where it says To: and your address list will appear. Highlight the address(es) and choose BCC: and that's it, it's that easy. When you send to BCC: your message will automatically say   "Undisclosed Recipients in the "TO:" field of the people who receive it.

(3)     Remove any "FW:" in the subject line. You can re-name the subject if you wish or even fix spelling.

(4)     ALWAYS hit your Forward button from the actual e-mail you're reading. Ever get those e-mails that you have to open 10 pages to read the one page with the information on it?  By Forwarding from the actual  page you wish someone to view, you stop them from having to open many e-mails just to see what you sent.

Have you ever gotten an email that is  a petition?  It states a position and asks you to add your name and address and to forward it to 10 or 15 people or your entire address book.  The email can be forwarded on and on and can collect thousands of names and email addresses. A FACT: The completed petition is actually worth a couple of bucks to a professional spammer because of the wealth of valid names and email addresses contained therein.  If you want to support the petition, send it as your own personal letter to the intended recipient.  Your position may carry more weight as a personal letter than a laundry list of names and email address on a petition.  So please, in the future, let's stop the junk mail and the viruses.  

Finally, here's an idea!!!  Let's send this to everyone we know (but strip my address off first).  This is something that SHOULD be forwarded.

I am adding this to the list:  Last, but not least ....... don't   forget to check out the truth of what you are forwarding on http://www.snopes.com/ or http://www.truthorfiction.com/  It saves embarrassment and keeps those e-boxes less clogged.

May your day be filled with good things!

642. This should teach them not to fool around burning the US flag.

Subject: Trailer Estates here we go...

A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in Trailer Estates, a Florida mobile home park.

A man walked over and sits down on the other end of the bench.

After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"

He replies, "I lived here years ago."

"So, where were you all these years?"

"In prison," he says.

"Why did they put you in prison?"

He looked at her, and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."

"Oh!" said the woman. "So you're single..."

More Trailer Estates Jokes

Two elderly people living in Trailer Estates, he was a widower and she a widow, had known each other for a number of years.

One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he took a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered the courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of 'careful consideration', she answered "Yes, Yes, I will." The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.

Next morning, he was troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He couldn't remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained that he didn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past.

As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He was delighted to hear her say, "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continued, "I am so glad that you called, because I couldn't remember who had asked me."

Subject: 1911 Photo

Not a typical winter in Fort Myers, Fl warm or cold as your area may be this year, look back to this:  now  that was cold.

THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN WHEN NIAGARA FALLS WAS COMPLETELY FROZEN IN THE YEAR 1911......A VERY RARE PHOTO

Walking on Water. Will take longer to download, but worth watching.

Click here to start the Window Media Program

Subject: THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The father thought for a moment, then answered,

"Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?! "

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?"
"Of course," the brother replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes... potentially, you and I are sitting on three million dollars.............. but realistically,...... we're living with two sluts and a queer."

Subject: Getting old?

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
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Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
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The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.      
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I've sure gotten old!  I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
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I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
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An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"
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My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
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Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
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(THIS IS THE BEST ONE)

--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
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Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!