Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

Subject: bus ride

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a Double-Decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana.
   
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.
   
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes Upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.
  
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
   
The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? we're having a great time downstairs!"
  
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...
  
YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!

I THOUGHT YOU WOULD ENJOY THIS ONE.

OLD LOVERS

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes, she says, "I remember it well"

"Ok," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but very good idea!"

There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, and having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."

So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.

The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about forty minutes. Finally, they both collapse
panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The Policeman, still watching thinks, this was truly amazing... I've gotta ask them what their secret is.

As the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must have a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

The old man says, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

LOVEMAKING TIPS FOR SENIORS

1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner didn't doze off while you were peeing.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF!

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed. Make sure you don't mix up the KY and the polygrip tubes!

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want. The neighbors are deaf too.

9. If it works, email everyone you know with the good news.

10. Don't even think about trying it twice. Maybe next month.

(Notice I sent this in large type so you could read it.)

Why Us?

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation escape by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some outrageous shorts, shirts and sandals.

The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their tourist garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a blonde stunner wearing a string bikini came walking straight towards them.

They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said, "Good Morning, Father. Good Morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually; then she passed on by.

They were both mortified! How in the world did she know they we're priests?

So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you saw them. Once again, in their new attire, they settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, this time topless with just a thong bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.

Again she nodded at each of them, she said, "Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.

One of the Priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute young lady."

"Yes, Father?", she said.

"We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests, dressed as we are?"

"Father, it's me, Sister Margaret."

Did she really do this or is it trick photography?

Click here to start the movie

Subject: Wedding Night

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.

"Now what are you doing?" She asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what's PAR for this damn hole!"

Subject: computer Guru

I was having trouble with my computer so I called Sam the computer guy to come over. Sam clicked a couple of buttons which solved the problem and gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"

He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless I inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?"

Sam grinned..."Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote down... ID10T

I used to like Sam.......