Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

Accumulated over the years from e-mails received.

In neither any particular order nor by subject

And if you are under 18, you should change to another location.
Also, we have no idea of ownership or authorship beyond those mentioned.
And, if they should be removed , just say so.

Page 78 #s - 711 - 720

711. (Ed Note: Normally I try to keep all the inserts on my web site. However, this one is really a long one at over 16 megs. So you should go yourself to the linked site. I was mesmerized while watching the action. I know you will also. I hope it is still on the site when you try to access it.)

Subject: This is AMAZING!!!!

I don’t forward many things I receive but this was a must!

This is Ray Bethell, 8-time-Multiple Kite World Champion. He is 79 years old, and this is an absolutely stunning film.

Spectacular, and the choice of music superb. A must see, and a must-save.

Kitelife Magazine -Ray Bethell (Promo Video)

If I tried this my lines of string would end up as the KNOT from hell. This guy is good.

712.

Subject: The South

A guy from the South passed away and left his entire Estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 15.
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How do you know when you're staying in a Southern hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."
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How can you tell if a Southern redneck is married? There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.
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Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in the South to
32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
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What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in the South? Documentaries.
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Where was the toothbrush invented? The South. If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.
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An Southern State Trooper pulls over a pickup on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"
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A new law was recently passed in the South. When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

713.

Subject: Vote

Here they are; the three finalists for the '2006 Greatest Ass in the World Contest'

Scan down to pick your favorite now!
 




714.

Subject: how was I born?"

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

SCROLL DOWN









You got Male!

715.

Subject: Significant golf rules changes

It's about time!

Colleagues:  The AARP has negotiated with the USGA to modify the Rules of Golf for seniors.

Rule 1.a.5
A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. The senior should not be penalized for tall grass which groundkeepers failed to mow.

Rule 2.d.6 (b)
A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.  This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The senior player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there.

Rule 3.b.3(g)
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by  someone else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the felony by charging himself or herself with a penalty.

Rule 4.c.7(h)
If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf.

Rule 5. Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the  game.

Rule 6.a.9(k) There is no penalty for so-called "out of bounds." If penny-pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The senior golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.

Rule 7.g.15(z)
There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. Senior golfers should not be penalized for manufacturers' shortcomings.

Rule 8.k.9(s)
Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new golf equipment.  Since this is financially impracticable for many senior golfers,one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.

Please advise all your senior friends of these important rule changes.

716.

This one is for all the Frank Sinatra fans.

Click here to start the Power Point Program

717.

This one is titled "Office Humor" and you will see why as you watch it.

Click here to start the Windows Media Program

718.

Subject: The Lemon Festival in Menton--a town located on the coast at the French-Italian Border...

MADE FROM LEMONS,

GRAPEFRUITS,

AND LIMES


THIS IS AMAZING..















719.

As I walked down the busy footpath, knowing I was late for an important meeting, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.

Wearing what can only be describes as rags, carrying every worldly possesion in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this persons condition. Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them. Recalling some long ago Sunday School admonition to "care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked," I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person. Yes, where some people saw only rags,

I saw a hidden beauty. A small voice inside my head called out, "Reach out, reach out!"  So I did..........  



I get out of the hospital in about 3 months. It would be nice to get a card or maybe a visitor other than my divorce lawyer.

720.

Hear is a neat way to get your 30 minutes of exercise, so they say.

Click here to start the MPG show

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