Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

Subject: Politically Correct

The Air Force cargo aircraft pushed back from the gate, the load mistress gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your Aircraft Commander, Major Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."

Sgt. Looper, sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the Major a woman?" When the cargo crew came by, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the Major a woman?"

"Yes," said the crew member, "In fact, this entire crew is female." "My God," said Sgt. Looper, "I'd better have a tranqulizer. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."

"That's another thing Sarge," she said, "We no longer call it the cock pit."

"It's the Box Office."

Subject: L.A. City Schools

As fellow graduates of LA City Schools I thought you might find this email interesting. Bxxxxxx
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This should make everyone think, be you Democrat or Republican,,,,,

Cheap Tomatoes?

From a California school teacher - - -"As you listen to the news about the student protests over illegal immigration, there are some things that you should be aware of:

"I am in charge of the English-as-a-second-language department at a large southern California high school which is designated a Title 1 school, meaning that its students average lower socioeconomic and income levels.

"Most of the schools you are hearing about, South Gate High, Bell Gardens, Huntington Park, etc., where these students are protesting, are also Title 1 schools.

"One hundred percent of the students in this school and other Title 1 schools are on the free breakfast and free lunch program. When I say free breakfast, I'm not talking a glass of milk and roll -- but a full breakfast and cereal bar with fruits and juices that would make a
Marriott proud. The waste of this food is monumental, with trays and trays of it being dumped in the trash uneaten. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

"I estimate that well over 50% of these students are obese or at least moderately overweight. About 75% or more DO have cell phones. The school also provides day care centers for the unwed teenage pregnant girls (some as young as 13) so they can attend class without the inconvenience of having to arrange for babysitters or having family watch their kids. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

"I was ordered to spend $700,000 on my department or risk losing funding for the upcoming year even though there was little need for anything; my budget was already substantial. I ended up buying new computers for the computer learning center, half of which, one month later, have been carved with graffiti by the appreciative students who obviously feel humbled and grateful to have a free education in America. (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK)

"I have had to intervene several times for young and substitute teachers whose classes consist of many illegal immigrant students here in the country less then 3 months who raised so much hell with the female teachers, calling them "Putas" whores and throwing things that the teachers were in tears.

"Free medical, free education, free food, day care etc., etc., etc. Is it any wonder they feel entitled to not only be in this country, but to demand rights, privileges and entitlements?

"To my liberal friends: I hope you're really proud of how our congress has helped to sell-out this country with this pro-illegal policy.

"To my bleeding-heart liberal friends who want to point out how much these illegal immigrants contribute to our society because they LIKE their gardener and housekeeper and they like to pay less for tomatoes: spend some time in the real world of illegal immigration and see the
TRUE costs.

"Higher insurance, medical facilities closing, higher medical costs, more crime, lower standards of education in our schools, overcrowding, new diseases etc., etc, etc. For me, I'll pay more for tomatoes.

"We need to wake up. The guest worker program will be a disaster because we won't have the guts to enforce it.

"Does anyone in their right mind really think they will voluntarily leave and return?

"There are many hardworking Hispanic/American citizens that contribute to our country and many that I consider my true friends. We should encourage and accept those Hispanics who have done it the right and legal way.

"It does, however, have everything to do with culture: A third-world culture that does not value education, that accepts children getting pregnant and dropping out of school by 15 and that refuses to assimilate, and an American culture that has become so weak and worried about 'politically correct' that we don't have the will to do anything about it."

Subject: A New Immigrant

A Somali arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, and giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care and free education!"
But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am Mexican".

The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America!" The person says "I no American, I Vietnamese."

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful America!" That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Middle East, I am not an American!"

He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you an American?"

She says, "No, I am from Russia!" So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the Americans?"

The Russian lady looks at her watch, shrugs, and says... "Probably at work!"

Subject: Fantastic Photos

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QUEEN OF THE BLONDS

Subject: A MUST READ

Those Born 1930-1979 or Before like me - I remember!

----- READ TO THE BOTTOM FOR QUOTE OF THE MONTH BY JAY LENO IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE-----VERY WELL STATED Those Born 1930-1979!

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms....... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever ! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them . . CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!

The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:

"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,"Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us....go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us....pass this on.

Now here is a collection of strange things happening on TV shows.

Click here to start the Windows Media Program

Subject: Rapist's Trick

Know what money you are carrying! You will see why as you read!

Be sure every lady is aware of this M.O. Share with it your wife and daughters. Know what money you are carrying..

This was the first I have heard of a scheme like this... I wanted to pass it along. Be safe! Something very serious to pay attention to.

Criminals are coming up with craftier, less threatening methods of attack, so we have to be extra cautious. Read on.. I live in Alexandria, VA, but I often work in Lafayette, LA, staying with friends when I'm there. As you know from America's Most Wanted TV program, as well
as the news media, there is a serial killer in the Lafayette area. I just want to let you know about an "incident " that happened to me a few weeks ago, and could have been deadly.

At first I didn't go to the police or anyone with it beca use I didn't realize how serious this encounter was. But since I work in a jail and I told a few people about it, it wasn't long before I
was paraded into Internal Affairs to tell them my story. It was proximately 5:15 a.m. in Opelousas, La.I had stayed with a friend there and was on my way to work.

I stopped at the Exxon/Blimpie Pie station to get gas. I got $10 gas and a Diet Coke. I took into the store two $5 bills and one $1 bill (just enough to get my stuff).

As I pulled away from the store, a man approached my truck from the back side of the store (an unlit area). He was an "approachable-looking" man (clean cut, clean shaven, dressed well, etc.).

He walked up to my window and knocked. Since I'm very paranoid and "always looking for the rapist or killer," I didn't open the window . I just asked what he wanted. He raised a $5 bill to my window and said, "You dropped this." Since I knew I had gone into the store with a certain amount of money, I knew I didn't drop it.

When I told him it wasn't mine, he began hitting the window and door, screaming at me to open my door, and insisting that I had dropped the money! At that point, I just drove away as fast as I could. After talking to the Internal Affairs Department and describing the man I saw, and the way he escalated from calm and polite to angry and volatile....it was determined that I could have possibly encountered the serial killer myself.

Up to this point, it had been unclear as to how he had gained access to his victims, since there has been no evidence of forced entry into victim's homes, cars, etc. And the fact that he has been attacking in the daytime, when women are less likely to have their guard up, means he is pretty BOLD.

So think about it...what gesture is nicer than returning money to someone that dropped it?????

How many times would you have opened your window (or door) to get your money and say thank you.... because if the person is kind enough to return something to you, then he can't really be a threat...can he????

Please be cautious! This might not have been the serial killer... but anyone that gets that angry over someone not accepting money from them, can't have honorable intentions. The most important thing to note is that his reaction was ! NOT WHAT I EXPECTED! A total surprise! But what might have happened if I had opened my door? I shudder to think!

Forward this to everyone you know...maybe they can be as fortunate as I was!

P.S. Ladies, really DO forward this to EVERYONE you know Even if this man wasn't a serial killer, he looked nice, he seemed polite , he was apparently doing an act of kindness, but HE WAS NOT A NICE PERSON!!!

Men send it to all the women in your life. What you do today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. Make it a good one!

Please forward to anyone you think might benefit from this story.