Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

Subject: FW: Your name in the snow

MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY, MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP,
MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS,
MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE,
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER
STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Subject: BOX OF CHOCOLATES

For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you open a box of chocolates:

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally. "What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the white bag and said, "It's a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband".

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: "Good trade."

Subject: WHAT A COUNTRY!

5 million of our older Americans have not signed up yet for their Medicare, Part D, drug plan------they are old and confused. We are not going to grant them an extension.

However, 12 million illegal aliens are in our country and we are going to allow them to stay, protest, procreate, receive support monies, attend schools, avoid paying income taxes, have our teachers take 300 hours of ESL (English as a Second Language) training at our expense, etc.

WE MUST REALLY DISLIKE OUR OLD PEOPLE, OR WE MUST REALLY LOVE TACOS!!!

If it ticks you off, pass it on!! I Just Did

785.

Subject: For The Wonderful Woman You Are

PURPLE HATS

In honor of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer. Here is an "angel" sent to watch over you. Pass this on to five women that you want watched over. If you don't know five women to pass this on to, one will do just fine.


IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's" More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it. live it and never give it back.

STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you , who has more, or who's doing what
Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.
Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with , a nd what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally. I hope you have a blessed day.


If you don't mind, send this on to all the women you are grateful to have as friends. Maybe we should all grab that purple hat earlier. Please send this to five phenomenal women today in celebration of Beautiful Women's Month. If you do, something good will happen--you will boost another woman's self esteem.

Sent with Love

Subject: Relating To Some People

This is being sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...

1975: Long hair
2005: Longing for hair

1975: KEG
2005: EKG

1975: Acid rock
2005: Acid reflux

1975: Moving to California because it's cool
2005: Moving to Arizona because it's warm

1975: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2005: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1975: Seeds and stems
2005: Roughage

1975: Hoping for a BMW
2005: Hoping for a BM

1975: Going to a new hip joint
2005: Receiving a new hip joint

1975: Rolling Stones
2005: Kidney Stones

1975: Being called into the principal's office
2005: Calling the principal's office

1975: Screw the system
2005: Upgrade the system

1975: Disco
2005: Costco

1975: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2005: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1975: Passing the drivers' test
2005: Passing the vision test

1975: Whatever
2005: Depends

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things..

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1988.

They are too young to remember the first space shuttle blowing up on liftoff.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

The CD was introduced the year before they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from

They never heard: "Where's the Beef?"

"I'd walk a mile for a Camel" or "de plane, Boss, de plane"

They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Do you feel old yet? Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list. Notice the larger type, that's for those of you who have trouble reading

Subject: Taken To The Cleaners Today, A Great Story. Another taken from the great "Sexy And Funny.com" series.

85drycleanersMarge.wmv