Jokes, Stories, Cartoons: Good, Bad, or Indifferent

Subject: Need To Know

Obama (presidential candidate)
Barack Hussein Obama was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama Sr. (black Muslim of Nyangoma-Kogelo, Siaya District, Kenya), and Ann Dunham of Wichita, Kansas. (white atheist).

They met at the University of Hawaii at Manoa. When Obama was two years old, his parents divorced and his father returned to Kenya. His mother married Lolo Soetoro -- a Muslim -- moving to Jakarta with Obama when he was six years old. Within six months he had learned to speak the Indonesian language. Obama spent two years in a Muslim school, then two more in a Catholic school in Jakarta.

Since it is politically expedient to be a Christian when you are seeking political office in the United States, Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. While admitting that he was once a Muslim, he mitigates that damning information by saying that for two years he also attended a Catholic school.

Obama's spin-meisters are now attempting to make it appear that Obama's introduction to Islam came from his father and that influence was temporary at best. However, Ann Dunham married another Muslim, Lolo Soetoro who educated his stepson as a good Muslim by enrolling him in one of Jakarta's Wahabbi schools. Wahabbism is the radical teaching that created the Muslim terrorists who are now waging Jihad on the industrialized world.

Everyone should know what the media is NOT telling people.

Subject: 10 DIFFERENT MEN

This has been around before, but still worth a chuckle!

*10 Husbands, Still a Virgin* A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Subject: The Organ Subject

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

(If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will be five fewer people smiling in the world!)

Subject: FOUR ADULT JOKES

Top Four Adult Jokes

Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."

Third Place:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh. "The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on
his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed. Yes, I did." he replied. My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" Oh...she got fired too."

Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together." "I know," the old man said. "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago." "Well," Granny snickered. "Let's relive some old times." Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago." "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."

905.

Subject: Judge Roy Moore

Some of you may be wondering what Judge Roy Moore has been doing since he was removed from the bench for refusing to remove the Ten Commandments from his courtroom wall. Please read the poem he wrote. It's below his picture.



The following is a poem written by Judge Roy Moore from Alabama. Judge Moore was sued by the ACLU for displaying the Ten Commandments in his courtroom foyer. He has been stripped of his judgeship and now they are trying to strip his right to practice law in Alabama. The judge's poem sums it up quite well.

America the Beautiful,
Or so you used to be.
Land of the Pilgrims' pride;
I'm glad they'll never see.

Babies piled in dumpsters,
Abortion on demand,
Oh, sweet land of liberty;
your house is on the sand.

Our children wander aimlessly
Poisoned by cocaine
Choosing to indulge their lusts,
When God has said abstain

From sea to shining sea,
Our Nation turns away
From the teaching of God's love
And a need to always pray.

We've kept God in our temples,
How callous we have grown.
When earth is but His footstool,
And Heaven is His throne.

We've voted in a government
That's rotting at the core,
Appointing Godless Judges;
Who throw reason out the door,

Too soft to place a killer
In a well deserved tomb,
But brave enough to kill a baby
Before he leaves the womb.

You think that God's not angry,
That our land's a moral slum?
How much longer will He wait
Before His judgment comes?

How are we to face our God,
From Whom we cannot hide?
What then is left for us to do,
But stem this evil tide?

If we who are His children,
Will humbly turn and pray;
Seek His holy face
And mend our evil way:

Then God will hear from Heaven;
And forgive us of our sins,
He'll heal our sickly land
And those who live within. (2nd Chronicles 7:14)

But, America the Beautiful,
If you don't - then you will see,
A sad but Holy God
Withdraw His hand from Thee.

~~Judge Roy Moore~~

This says it all. May we all forward this message and offer our prayers for Judge Moore to be blessed and for America to wake up and realize what we need to do to keep OUR America the Beautiful.

Pass this on and let's lift Judge Moore up in prayer. He has stood firm and needs our support.

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Subject: Something To Think About

Subject: Twas the month after Christmas

ENJOY!!! JANUARY'S ANTHEM.....

'Twas the month after Christmas,
When all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
Not even a blouse!
The cookies I'd nibbled,
The eggnog I'd taste...
At the holiday parties,
Had gone to my waist!
I remember the marvelous meals all prepared:
The gravies and sauces,
The beef "nicely rared".
The wine and the rum balls,
The bread and the cheese,
And the way I NEVER said,
"No, thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt,
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt,
I said to myself (as only I can),
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a MAN"!
So---away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip!
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished,
'Til all of the additional "ounces" have vanished!
I won't have a cookie,
Not even a lick!
I'll want only to chew,
On a celery stick!
I won't have hot biscuits,
Or corn bread or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot,
And quietly cry.
I'm hungry...I'm lonesome...and life is a bore!
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle,
No longer a riot!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL,
AND TO ALL A GOOD DIET!